Sunday, July 31, 2005

"The Validation of Feelings: What Marriage Can Teach You About Management"

Here is a good post from Business pandit:


So how can these types of conflicts be handled? Like a marriage - by validating feelings and keeping in mind what is really important. Accusing someone of feeling "the wrong way" about something is a sure way to escalate the problem. But validating that person's feelings with a "I understand why you feel..." is a quick way to defuse the situation. It also helps you see things from the point of view of the other person, which helps you better frame a solution to the problem. Even if a solution isn't reached, employees, spouses, pretty much anybody, will feel better knowing that someone understands their point of view.

MBA teaches you the art of interacting with (not necessarily managing) people. Especially the period in which you have to undergo mandatory groups. Because you can't choose your groupies, you have to make do with whoever you have. The chemistry among groupies makes or breaks it's performance. People will easily make out whether you are "a great guy" or just avoid you. If you make a switch from the latter to the former, you learn't the lesson. Otherwise you already have it. If you are neither, you better work on it!

Disagreement generates conflicts. Say on preparing a presentation, or on answering a question. If you feel like disagreeing with a person, don't. Instead figure out how much you differ. Concentrate on the items you agree and tell the guy that you agree on those aspects. If you have major to make, take the guy aside and talk to him one-on-one and explain why you feel those changes are required. Because there is no one around, the guy will take it well, based on the merit of what you say. Be pleasing enough though.

Second, if you only need fewer changes, praise the guy first. "That is an excellent work". "Good job." Then tell him, you made "minor" changes and send the doc away. That will give the guy a "psychological cover" to his ego and help him put through the changes without bringing in ego issues.

If you just propose the changes, without regard to his/her feelings, he/she may hear you as "this is junk... make these changes to improve it" though that is not what you mean.

Well the situation could be different if you enjoy a lot of rapport with your groupies or your colleagues for that matter.

People who "listen to the others' feelings" can make a big difference in a gathering by taking over a coordinator's role.

I am fortunate to get a mentor at work who is a "guru" of getting things done. "How to win friends and influence people" also helped me a lot.

1 comment:

Kaps said...

Nice analogy. team dynamics is an art by itself and b-schools don't concentrate much on this aspect.