Who is monkeying around?

Vijay does his best to mimic origins of mankind. Tonakel Camp, Chennai. Oct 8 2005.

Agni

Tonakel Camp, Chennai Oct 8, 2005.

No Objection for a No Objection

Rs.10 K net. That's decent money, even if you calculate in $. I decided to drag my feet to the RTO's office and discovered some startling facts.

I was planning to move to Mumbai. Trouble began. The most trying of the questions I faced was: Should I sell my bike and buy another one in Mumbai?

“Yeah, that is better. I can sell away troubles with the notorious RTO. And I will get an all new bike. Sounds like a good idea.”

I calculated the costs. It costs Rs.10 K net (cash for a new bike – cash received on sale). That is big. And what I learnt was a bonus.

The Ayanavaram RTO is nearby. It took just ten minutes. When I got there, an impersonal-old-white-washed edifice sang “you don't belong here.” I looked around to figure out what I to do to get an “NOC” (No Objection Certificate). No instructions that could ease the pain of an amatuer govermnet-office-goer. And fewer in English or Hindi. Frustrating.

“Dude! If you can't be friendly, you have to face it too” and I went straight ahead to wake-up the first RTO-employee-like homosapien I could find and ask “How do I get an NOC?” After a few “this way”s and “that way”s later, I find a gentleman who told me that the forms I should use are sold outside “near the koil.” There comes the first one. The first thing that you need in a government office is sold outside the office. And what I found seemed like an idea for a good B-plan.

I come outside and saw a thriving “RTO forms” industry. That chap has RTO forms, a public telephone and a kirana shop all in one. Revenue productivity (RP – whether you count in $/head or $/sq foot) will rival with that in Outsourcing industry. Not only is the margin comparable (a rough calculation shows he earns more than 35% gross margin), but he seems to understand his customers better. I get adhesive and a stapler free (on a use-and-return basis only) if I buy forms from him. He also gives you free advice. “What is the form for that?” or “Is this the right way to fill this?” No problem. He has all the answers. I later found the adhesive and stapler were loss leaders. The shopkeeper was an agent too. He first gives the adhesive and the stapler. He then offers to work for you. A good back loaded revenue model! RP estimates hit the roof.

After a marathon form filling exercise, I go and stand in a line. After 20 minutes, I reach the counter and the guy inside a jail like structure asked me to meet an inspector to get his 'initial'.

I ask him politely “Why the hell am I not told earlier?”
He knows the trick “I don't know. Go talk to him. Next..”

I 'go talk to him' and now comes the shock. If you want to get an NOC from RTO, you have to go the police station in Arumbakkam (that is 20 minutes away) and get an NOC from them. Gawd! Give me patience. It seemed like the circular reference error in Excel.

I did go the next day to the police station and got an NOC two days later. Now that I saw some progress, this is what I think of getting stuff done in a government office.

1. Along with all the documents, you need to carry patience to a government office.

2. All activity takes time. Not the night marish – months or years – but days. And they usually deliver in the promised time.

3. You don't have to grease any one. At least if all your documents are in place and your case is genuine. But the normal grease of a friendly smile will go a long way to ease the process. If you can't get stuff done, talk to higher authorities and ask for help. They are willing to help and explain.

4. Government works!